Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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