and you said cock pushups were impossible
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
