Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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