all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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