Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
