Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
