I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
