In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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