the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
