I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
