You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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