Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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