Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm bleeding and have questions
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
