if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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