Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
you would pick up someone in the library
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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