and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
