I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
