Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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