why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
