I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
