I can't watch pbs sober anymore
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
