I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
