i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
