I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
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