I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
