i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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