I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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