That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
