I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize