I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
