I'm really into asian looking animals
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
