Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
