If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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