Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
