i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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