i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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