He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
