hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
