i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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