walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
