honey bunches of taint.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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