Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
