this beer tastes like vomit already
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize