My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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