Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
