I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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