I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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