Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
