Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
