Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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