I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Randomize
