So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
