I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
