Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
