You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
