listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
