I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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