i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize