Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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