I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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