It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
