So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
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