so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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