sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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