there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize