Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
vagina is talking i cant
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Randomize
