So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
