I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
where am i from again
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
